Here is a neat memo from the Owner. Remember that my special sarcasm filter is on. Now I thought it was pretty nice of them to offer this service to this <Name Removed>. Right below is the almost unaltered memo (names removed for my protection and theirs), right after that is the same memo with comments generated by the universal bullshit translator.

Here’s the original:

December 28, 2002
To: Front Desk
From: <Name Removed>
RE: Instructions for Security

<Name Removed> has requested that <Name Removed> is provided security from 3:30 a.m. until 5:00 a.m. while she sells tickets until security leaves the premises. <Name Removed> will be contacting the front desk for this purpose at 3:15 q.m. each morning. Please make sure Security is waiting for <Name Removed> in the morning.

Thank You,

<Name Removed>

Here is my copy ran through the universal bullshit translator (the translator’s output will be in bold):

December 28, 2002
To: Lowly Peons
From: Your God
RE: Instructions for Security

Your God has requested that Some High Up Flunky is provided security from 3:30 a.m. until 5:00 a.m. (we don’t give a shit if the rest of the hotel has security) while she sells tickets until security leaves the premises. Some High Up Flunky will be contacting the Lowly Peons (who we deem does not need security) for this purpose at 3:15 q.m. each morning. Please make sure Security (because Security has nothing better to do) is waiting for Some High Up Flunky in the morning. From here on in Security’s title is Babysitter.

Thank You,

Your God

I personally find this amusing. I mean it’s not like I was robbed before or anything. It makes me wonder if these people give a shit about their employee’s. I think they don’t even give one shit. What can you do?

Well here is another story that supports the possibility the owners are morons (note I said possibility). For a X-Mas the hotel management gave their employees Visa Gift Cards. Now this is a great idea. It’s only for ten bucks. But when your as tight as these cheapskates this is quite generous.

The problem is that when the employees try to use these 10 buck gift cards they are told the card doesn’t work. I have yet to try it. The reason is because I figured this shit would happen. Now one employee has got it to work, at the local movie theater.

So it’s either a case that the owners are possibly morons or that every local retailer in the stateline area are morons. Maybe this local movie theater employees are certified genius’s. These movie theater employees can make popcorn and split atoms. This theory explains why I saw Stephen Hawking making popcorn there.

Now put on your thinking caps, it’s science time. Occam’s Razor, ever hear of it? Here is what it is in simple terms:

All things being equal, the simplest explanation tends to be the right one.

So using Occam’s Razor what is the simplest explanation? All local retailers are morons or this new group of owners are? I will leave you to figure this out for yourself.

I did some realm versus realm yesterday. I figured out why I don’t really care for RvR. I’m dead more than I like. Anyway here are some shots (1024×768) from a few of the engagements from yesterday.

The last three are oddball shots I found to fill out the rest. Two graphical glitches and a Shrouded Isles monster.

I went in to work yesterday to pick up my check and was told I had to sign a Standards Of Conduct form before I got my check. I’m always very suspicious of any actions like this by my so called superiors. Can I consider people that are stupid assholes my superiors? Anyway here are the highlights:

THESE GUIDELINES ARE PLACED IN WRITTEN FORM FOR THE BENEFIT OF YOU AND YOUR FELLOW EMPLOYEES SO THAT ALL EMPLOYEES WILL RECEIVE THE SAME FAIR TREATMENT.

A.COMMISSION OF ANY ONE OF THE FOLLOWING ACTS MAY BE CONSIDERED JUST CAUSE FOR IMMEDIATE DISMISSAL.

12. Revealing confidential information to unauthorized persons.

B.COMMISSION OF ANY ONE OF THE FOLLOWING ACTS MAY BE CONSIDERED JUST CAUSE FOR REMEDIAL ACTION WHICH COULD RANGE FROM ORAL OR WRITTEN REPRIMAND TO SUSPENSION FROM WORK WITHOUT PAY TO DISMISSAL.

15. Parking motor vehicle in other than areas designated by management.

18. Dining or snacking at any time other than during designated breaks, meal periods, or in areas other than those designated by management.

24. Making or publishing false, viscous or malicious statements concerning an employee, supervisor, the company or its food, beverages or services within hearing distance of customers.

27. Soliciting for immoral purposes or the aiding and/or abetting of such.

Whenever a possible paper trail is started I’m always wondering if “they” are out to get me. I’m one of those that looks for conspiracy everywhere. Now I picked out the ones I figure these pinheads (hiya pinhead!) would use to fire me. Again I may be reading into this more than I need to, but better safe than sorry.

Number 12. I guess if they wanted to, my telling the internet that a hotel (which I never name nor reveal its geographic location) I work at is run by morons could just be “Revealing confidential information to unauthorized persons”. I wouldn’t want the whole internet knowing I was an incompetent boss/owner. Number 12 here is grounds for IMMEDIATE DISMISSAL, oh no. Does having these warnings in caps make them followed more?

On to the lesser offenses.

Number 15. Parking motor vehicle in other than areas designated by management. Tough shit. I park out front under the overhang. I’m the “manager on duty” at night and I say it’s ok. Or you can just come out and remove my beloved “manager on duty” status.

Number 18. Dining or snacking at any time other than during designated breaks, meal periods, or in areas other than those designated by management. This one I can use the same argument as above, I’m the “manager on duty” so tough shit. The other argument on this on is just as fun. The Illinois Department of Labor ONE DAY REST IN SEVEN ACT details how employees must be given a meal period of at least 20 minutes for every 7 1/2 continuous hours or more of work. So if they even try to enforce this I’ll file a complaint. Pretty simple.

Number 24 is the big one. “Making or publishing false, viscous or malicious statements concerning an employee, supervisor, the company or its food, beverages or services within hearing distance of customers” could be my sites motto. Oops except I don’t claim any of this shit I write is the gods honest absolute truth. This shit is my opinion. And besides not to repeat myself I never even mention the specific hotel chain, names of employees or managers, or even the location of the hotel. How can you prove I’m talking about a specific hotel. For all you know I could be talking about a hotel in your town. Has expressing your opinion become an illegal act in this country? Not the last time I checked. Freedom Of Speech. Does that ring a bell? Stupid fucking muppets from foreign countries. “Within hearing distance of customers” ok the last time I checked running this site doesn’t cause any noise at all. Lucky me.

Number 27 is worded strange enough to get a mention here. Soliciting for immoral purposes or the aiding and/or abetting of such. Soliciting is a word that has a lot of meaning. Enough to kind of be the fire you for whatever we want kind of rule. Which brings us to immoral. To me this is another one that is kind of shifty. Who’s morals are we using as a baseline to judge if I’m being immoral?

Well this has gone on long enough and I do have to do some work (work=play Dark Age of Camelot) at this job of mine. If you have a thought ot opinion hit the comment link and express yourself in the forum.

This was so funny I had to pass it on:

A plane with George Bush, Bill Clinton, Henry Kissinger, the Pope, and a very young reporter aboard was experiencing engine problems (‘W’ was piloting…go figure). Dubya orders everyone to search for parachutes, and they find 4 parachutes.

‘One of us will not make it, we have one chute too few’ Bill exclaims. So they decide that as the president and former president, that Dubya and Slick should get two of the chutes, and Henry Kissinger, the Pope, and the young reporter will draw straws for the last two.

Dubya and Slick bail out, leaving the three behind with two chutes. As the pope prepares the straws to be drawn, Henry Kissinger says “I’m sorry, but my knowledge of the world powers is too great to lose, and besides, I’M THE SMARTEST MAN IN THE WORLD!’ whereupon he grabs the last chute and jumps from the plane.

The pope says ‘I am an old man, here, take the last chute and save yourself child’. The reporter replies ‘No problem, we have two chutes left, the smartest man in the world just stole my backpack!’

All most made me cry I laughed so hard.