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Sunday March 18th 2001
Stupid 2:00 pm-
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What can I say? Other than what I have said before. And again. And here also. Some of the questions asked before happened to be answered tonight. More of that later. Mr. Izer answered part with this. Now back to the questions of what I would say? Well the answer is nothing. Running in to “that one girl” had to be the most claustrophobic experience of my life. I walked in to The Bop and saw a girl I knew. I said hi and she looks over behind me and says “hey it’s that one girl.” I manage to say something along the lines of “oh shit” in utter terror.

So I dive to the bar and order a MGD and a shot. Brave man, huh? I acted like a dog with my tail between my legs. Thoughts of question or things I would say to her just disappear out of my mind. I’m just wishing that there was a back door out of the place. So I am the biggest loser of all time. Or I’m only human? I feel like a bad guy. Like some loser. Fuck last night was horrible. Because of me, just to clarify.

So in a perfect world what could I have said? Well in a perfect world I wouldn’t have acted like coward. I would have walked up to her and said “hi, how are you?” In a perfect world I could have commented on how nice she looked. I could have asked her what she thought about the movie The Contender. Or were you Secretive? That would have been a good question.

This isn’t a perfect world. My dad likes to remind me of that. The past was the past. As of right now I quit drinking. Or I should say I quit drinking in bars. Done. I don’t ever want that to happen again. If only I wasn’t such a puss. Friends come and go, simple as that. Anyway she is someone else now. The person I knew exists seven months ago. And I was someone else seven months ago.

The will is there, but the words are just not to be found. I wish I could start over. Hi how are you? You look nice. I’m sorry. Can I buy you a beer?

And just take it from there.

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