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  • Friday July 24th 1998
    Private Ryan! 3:00 am-
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    1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)

    I just returned from seeing Saving Private Ryan. And was totally amazed. Usually after seeing a movie I feel like the main character. When I saw Diehard I went away feeling like I could take on a skyscraper full of terrorists. With Saving Private Ryan I did not go away feeling like a W.W.II soldier. In fact I no longer have the child dream of fighting in the big one. John Wayne era W.W.II movies always gave you the heroic feeling. Those movies portrayed W.W.II as a great war. Not that I ever thought wars were great. They made it feel like W.W.II was a noble battle. Where as opposed to movies about Vietnam. Which portrayed that war as a dirty ruthless fight.

    Saving Private Ryan did not try to glamorize W.W.II. It showed it the way my Grandpa told me about it. “You would be standing right next to a guy and see him get shot to pieces.” Grandpa would go on to say “John Wayne movies don’t show you the truth.” And that “they were bullshit.”

    Saving Private Ryan Showed the landing at Normandy like I would figure it really was. The poor bastards first out had the shit shot out of them. Speilberg did war scenes with a camera effect that made it feel like you were there on the beach with them. It was very erratic camera movements. It added to the claustrophobia of the scene. They also showed all of the gory detail of war. When people where hit, they fell down. None of the running around like a funky chicken. Blood was everywhere. And these GIs wanted two things. Their momma and morphine.

    Well enough of me playing Siskel and Ebert. Go see the goddamn movie. And do not bring kids to see it. And mark my words Tom Hanks is getting another Oscar for this movie.

    Views: 876
    Friday December 11th 1998
    To Go Boldly… 3:00 am-
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    1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)

    Today the new Star Trek movie opens up. Insurrection. I’m not totally sure this is going to be a good one. I think it just might blow. This is the third next gen movie, and if you go by the curse of the odd movie this one is going to suck.

    Views: 671
    Sunday January 17th 1999
    National Geographic’s Guadalcanal 7:09 pm-
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    It sucked. It sucked big time. Well enough of my witty banter. In doing some research on Terence Malick and the Battle of Guadalcanal I found this very witty review on moviefinder.com. This guy who wrote this review must have channeled every thought I was thinking watching that stinkburger of a movie. So with out further ado I present the review:

    National Geographic’s Guadalcanal

    By filming this WWII combat movie like a nature documentary, director Terence Malick has managed to create the most beautifully photographed (and ponderously philosophical) war film ever made. Starting off with a South Seas island village so peaceful and picturesque the natives do everything but sing “Bali Hai” we then go to the battle of Guadalcanal where the GIs are photographed so beautifully (the dirt is smeared evenly over their handsome faces) it looks like Calvin Klein led the invasion. And the philosophy! Spouting questions and metaphors in voiceover narration about evil in nature and the meaning of life, these soldiers must have had English lit as part of their basic training. Among the younger cast, only Sean Penn is talented enough to create a realistic character: the pain in his face as he delivers his philosophical dialogue manages to show that his soldier has EARNED his jaded point-of-view. The rest, most of whom get less screen time than the animal close-ups, are hard to even tell apart. As the only one who realizes he’s in a war movie, Nick Nolte walks away with the picture in the one terrific performance. Cameos by John Travolta and George Clooney are ineffective and distracting, the combat scenes hard to follow, and the thin red plot over-extended at such a tedious pace that I began to expect Brad Pitt showing up any moment as Death. For the same good/evil nature debate in a war movie based on a James Jones novel, rent “From Here To Eternity,” which manages to tell an emotional story about realistic characters in under two hours without close-ups of birds, trees and bamboo chimes.

    By the way, there was a version done back in 1964. The first version of James Jones book was directed by a guy named Andrew Morton, who also did The Longest Day. Its not on video. I also disagreed on the this guys opinion of Nolte’s performance. Nolte sucked. Don’t waste your money on this piece of shit.

    Views: 756
    Thursday January 21st 1999
    Close Encounters Of A Third Kind 2:30 am-
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    Close Encounters Of A Third Kind. It might be a contender. It to me has concepts that really reaches me. The idea that these aliens that do come and buzz rednecks are not evil or ugly bug eyed monsters gives me hope. At least it does for me. If they came across the galaxy just to turn some cows inside out and abduct rednecks I will cry. If they can create the technology to travel across the galaxy I don’t think they would come to probe Billy Bobs anus.

    The bad guys if there were any in the movie, would be the government. These guys would make Fox Mulder a good nemesis. Making a cover story about some kind accident that unleashed a terrible virus. But, even the “bad guys” really were not that bad. They didn’t kill anyone to keep them out of the area where the UFO’s were buzzing. So its a pretty positive movie.

    And how about Richard Dreyfus’s character? Would you give up the wife and three annoying kids to go off with the nice aliens? I would. Did I mention those annoying kids. Sorry honey I’m out of here. Just imagine what you would see? I think it would be amazing. Amazing just to get away from those fucking kids.

    Views: 645
    Friday January 22nd 1999
    Starman(1985) 1:04 am-
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    The movie I picked as a contender to the throne of greatest SCI-Fi movie of all time is Starman. A John Carpenter movie. Like in Close Encounters the alien was not the “bad guys”. The government was the bad guy there is no doubt to me.

    The movie starts out with shots of space as the Voyager probe hurtles into the void with its message of greetings. It reaches a planet that pulls it down. Shortly after that the planet shots a spaceship out headed for Earth. Which brings us to Jenny Hayden who is grieving over the death of her husband played by Jeff Bridges. Then we see the US governments way to greet a UFO, blowing it out of the sky. And of course it crashes near Haydens’s place where the alien takes the appearance of Jenny Hayden’s dead husband. She watches in wonderment as the alien changes into her dead husband. “I send greetings” he says and Jenny Hayden passes out.

    Which brings us to my favorite character of the movie, Mark Shermin. He is a scientist who is with SETI. When he arrives at the crash site one of the guys inspecting the crash site asks him if he’s with the National Security Agency. Shermin responds “Not really, I just work for them. On loan sorta like a library book”.

    In fact when Shermin is explaining it to George Fox(who is the NSA lead asshole) of why and how this alien came to our planet. The NSA asshole thinks that if there are aliens that they are out to get us. Shermin plays the greeting from the Voyager probe and says that we have invited them here. The NSA goon tells Shermin that “Greetings is just what the cannibals told the missionary before he ate them.” Shermin smile and asks “Who is the missionary and who is the cannibal?” Another good bit is towards the end when Shermin gets to the Governments HQ and sees the Autopsy area they have setup for our visitor. He inspects the buckles and leather belts and says with a heavy heart “Welcome to planet Earth.” A little after that Shermin Asks Fox what is going on. And Fox tells him “Its the one thing I don’t need from you is a lecture on morality.” Shermin snaps back “All right screw morality. What ever happened to good manners? We invited him here!”

    You can see I really like this Shermin guy. But how about the alien you all ask. What about him? The alien explains what his people are like “There is only one language, one law. And there is no war, no hunger. The strong does not victimize the helpless.” Of course the alien is finally captured. But before the NSA guys can get their hands on him my buddy Mark Shermin shows up. Shermin is truly amazed. This is something he has only dreamed about. He has so many questions to ask. He asks if they have been here before. “We are interested in your species. You are a strange species not like any other. And you would be surprised how many there are intelligent but savage. You are at your best when things are worst.”

    Shermin lets him go. His Boss George Fox the NSA asshole is not happy. “Shermin you are finished. I will have you eviscerated for this.” Shermin looks at him and says “Well as much as I hate to stoop to symbolism” and he blows a big poof of smoke into Fox’s face. Shermin has a big shit eating grin on his face happy in knowing that the alien was allowed to escape and have a happily ever after.

    Views: 834
    Thursday August 19th 1999
    Blair Witch Sucked 9:08 pm-
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    I was really pissed after seeing the Blair Witch Project. I had first heard about at Blue’s News which covers games like Quake 2 and such. And those guys over at Blue’s are usually right on the money about anything. If you like First Person Games you have to check them out. Any way, they had mentioned how they saw Blair Witch in New York when it was being previewed and they said it was really good. And I read either at Blue’s or elsewhere on the net how it was kind of like a Hitchcock movie. Meaning that it didn’t show any gore like most movies these days. It scared you through the suspense as the story played out about these three college kids who were doing a documentary on this supposed Blair Witch. The kids go missing and their footage shows up a year later. It was sounding really good from what I read.

    And then there was the special the Sci-Fi channel ran which was a pseudo documentary about these kids going missing and it showed some background on the legend of the Blair Witch. The Sci-Fi special was ten times better than the movie. The movie did not explain what the Blair Witch was. It didn’t show any of the fake material the Sci-Fi show did. The Sci-Fi show had stuff on a guy from the forties that killed a bunch of kids and said the Witch made him do it. It showed some clips from a 70’s hippy occult guy who explained the back story on the Witch. Which the movie does not cover. I was really bummed. American Filmmaking has gone down the shitter.

    Which (excuse the pun) brings me to Bruce Willis’s movie The Sixth Sense. Excellent movie, no doubt about it. It did to you what Blair Witch was supposed to do. It scared you with out excessive violence and gore. Besides that, the ending will have you surprised. It blew me away. It was the kind of thing that just shocked the shit out of me. I did not see it coming.

    So there you have it. The witch sucked stick with the sense.

    Views: 1,132
    Sunday February 27th 2000
    They Lived Mostly Happily Ever After 10:38 pm-
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    I just finished watching the Story Of Us a Rob Reiner movie starring Bruce Willis and Michelle Phiffer. Now the trailer for this flick kind of gave the impression that there was going to be a unhappy ending. Seeing that I know how Hollywood works I expected a 30/70 chance of a bad ending. I got to say that I was actually pulling for the unhappy ending. Why you may ask? I guess I am kind of sick of the always cheerful ending in some movies. To me that mentality just does not seem to be rational.

    To explicate a little further. You take your average guy or gal (or dude and dudette if that is your particular vernacular) most of the time life isn’t a happy ending. Not that a persons life can equal a two hour movie, there is many ups and downs. I just wish that the movies reflected more of a normal house hold. Why is it that in the movie the people are always rich. There jobs are always real cool. In the movie Bruce was a writer. His wife played by the lovely Michelle Phiffer made the crossword puzzles in the papers. To me that does not reflect what might be the target audience of this movie.

    My oldman in his time has been a janitor, a truck driver, and has had lot of other unglamorous jobs. Same goes for my mother. We never lived in real fancy house or went to real fancy restaurants. All in all everything was pretty average. And hey I’m cool with that. I like average. It not as bad as bellow average and it’s not as good as above average. It’s right there in the middle. I would like to see more movie that capture that kind of feeling.

    Now I’m not saying I don’t like a happy ending in movies. Going to the movies is escapism and should definitely give one a chance to escape. Otherwise it defeats the whole purpose of the movie going experience. Here is what I’m proposing. This of course would put more work in it for the people who make the movies, but who cares that’s why they make all that money. I want movies to come in two flavors, a happy ending and then the unhappy ending. So depending on mood a person could watch the ending that they were really in the frame of mind for.

    Take Casablanca for example. There is a flick that has an unhappy ending. Rick lets the love of his life fly off with some asshole politician. And all poor Rick gets is some French guy to be friends with. Bummer. This is where my alternate ending policy would really kick in. I love watching Casablanca when I’m in a bad mood. But how about when I’m especially chipper and want to see a happy ending for poor Bogart? Damn it if it wouldn’t be cool to see the dame get off of the plane to go running into Rick’s arms. Yeah! That would be cool.

    Views: 939
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