This title may tell some people enough. But for shits and giggles I’m going to explain it like you all don’t know what I’m talking about.

The first thing we need to is figure out just what the term fanboy means. No legitimate dictionary has the word in it’s pages. So you have to look else where for a definition of this term. The only place I could find on the net that has a definition is a place called Wikipedia, a self described “free encyclopedia”. Here is what they say:

Fanboy is a derogatory term used to describe someone who is utterly devoted to a hobby or a subject, to the point where it becomes an obsession. “Fanboys” are often experts on minor details regarding their hobbies, and they take these details extremely seriously. The stereotypical image often associated with Star Trek fans (or Trekkies) can be used to describe a fanboy: a person with little or no social life outside the circle of fans he or she associates with.

Hits it on the head in my opinion. Of course it’s not something I admit to people who are not into comic books. On the other hand the other Marvel fanboys irritate me. I can’t stand them. My favorite comic book store Tomorrow Is Yesterday is full of them.

But since I’m coming out of the closet, I admit I am a Marvel fanboy. I have been for a long time. To some who actually read what I write this may not come to any surprise. The next question is why am I a Marvel fanboy? The simplest answer is that when I started reading comics Marvel had the best stuff. I’m talking late 70’s early 80’s. Marvel’s characters had a touch of the common man. They had problems that you and me would face. And in my opinion the stories Marvel told were just the best comics at that time.

So it pisses me off big time whenever a Marvel character gets the big screen treatment. It pisses me off because the Marvel fanboy in me always comes out. I can’t help it. I nitpick the movies. I bitch and complain when they fuck up a totally perfect story and make a shit movie. Daredevil jumps to mind.

It boggles my mind. Lets use the Hulk movie for example of how they take a simple concept and ruin it by trying to modernize it. Betty Ross (the girlfriend of Bruce Banners) in the movie is a scientist. In the comics she’s just a housewife kind of women. What does turning her into a scientist accomplish? Other than appeasing the beast that is politically correctness?

The way the Hulk comes about is another thing I have a problem with. In the comics it’s very simple. Banner worked for Betty’s dad General Ross. Banner invented the gamma bomb. A commie spy sabotage’s the test run of the bomb. Banner races out to save Rick Jones who had wandered out into the test site. Simple yet effective. Sure you can’t have any references to a commie spy. But you could have still used the sabotage plot.

There were other issues I had with the film, but that’s something for another post. But you see now what I mean when I say I’m a Marvel fanboy.

Here’s another thing you may not know about me. I have been collecting business cards for a number of years. Business cards of the people who run the hotel. I have a nice collection going. It started out as a simple thing. I would pick up one here or there. And they would all sit in a pile some where.

The collecting of these business cards didn’t take on a deeper meaning until later in my life as a hotel employee. It wasn’t until I noticed I had a problem with authority. This was around the same time I started to notice that some of these managers were as dumb as a box of rocks. My collection of business cards then took on another meaning.

All of these cards I kept were ways for me to remember all of the assholes who came and went while I was still a peon at the hotel. It’s kind of a game. I don’t ask for a business card or just pick one up until I figure the cards owner has ran out of time at the hotel. It’s kind of like my own way of maintaining a management deadpool.

On occasion I like to look at all of them and note that I’m still at the hotel and they are not. It’s a small personal victory being able to remind myself that I have outlasted all of these people. And with this new bunch of owners/managers I grab these business cards as quick as I can. Sometimes I get lucky and a poor fool just gives me one.

Of course to be fair with this business card deadpool I have going, I always chuck my own business card into the pile whenever I get some. Since I have two in the pile and the rest have one each, I guess my odds are higher. Except I don’t worry about that anymore.

Here is a funny one my Mom sent me.

Dear Employee:

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.

Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.

This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company.

SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW.

SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management.

This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).

Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.

If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get: HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel’s Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).

As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.

Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our:

Special High Intensity Training (SHIT). We take pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive. We have given our employees more SHIT than any company in this area. If any employee feels they do not receive enough SHIT on the job, see your immediate supervisor.

Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the SHIT you can stand.

And, once again, thanks for all your years of service with us.

The funny thing is I bet the hotel would come up with stupid shit like this.