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Saturday December 21st 2002
Best Spam Ever 9:04 am-
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This was the funniest piece of spam I have ever had the privilege to delete. It’s like something out of a Saturday Night Live skit. The e-mail address of the sender was coloncleanse2abu@excite.com. Colon Cleanser would be the name of the supposed product, huh? Here is the spam in it’s entirety (and it’s long):

From: coloncleanse2abu@excite.com
Subject: Bowels, How do you Clean them?

Let me ask you this…which is worse?

A. The engine on your Lexus freezes up at 160,000 miles instead of 300,000. You take a financial hit and you are forced to buy a Camry this time.

B. You start bleeding during bowel movements. You go to the doctor and get poked, prodded, X-ray’d, biopsied, etc. 3 days later you get a call for a consultation. The doctor informs you that you have advanced colon cancer at 45 years old. You have anywhere from 6 months to 5 years left to live. He tells you it’s time to get your house in order because you’ll be checking out soon. Chemotherapy starts today.

A friend of mine who was a science and health researcher at the University of Chicago, just died this past year of colon cancer at 42. In the midst of the prime of his life, he said goodbye, and left his wife and child behind, wondering what just hit them.

Why do you brush your teeth? Are your teeth falling out right now? For most of us, we do it so we won’t need false teeth and Fixodent down the road…right? We want to be able to eat apples. Hey, I agree with that. Natural teeth are great.

But have you ever seen someone who was forced to endure a colonectomy? Someone who now will be spending the rest of their life carrying a bag around?

Incredibly, this is an area where even the staunchest MD’s AGREE with us!! Can you believe it? If they knew you had the greatest colon cleanse in the world, I bet they might even refer people to you. NO, I’m not kidding…

This subject is not even up for debate. It’s a proven fact. The problem is, most people are not doing anything about it. Please don’t be one of them.

****WARNING***** The next section of this email contains graphic material which may not be suitable for squeamish individuals.

Let’s talk stools.

The stool tells you a lot about your colon health. If it’s dark brown in color, and it sinks, and it stinks, that’s not good. And don’t feel bad, that’s the way most people are. What you want to see is light brown color, which means it’s full of fresh bile from the liver, very mild odor, and a stool that floats. We’re talking low-density here folks. The more compaction you have the darker the color and the faster it sinks. Compaction is not good. Also, moving bowels should be SIMPLE. If the veins are popping out of your neck and you feel like your doing the bench press, you NEED to cleanse your colon.

When you do the cleanse, after the first few days, you will know you are cleansing when you see the above good stuff happening, and you are eliminating at least 2-3 times per day.

Cleansing your colon is a 30-day process. Its also very economical at $51.50, for all three products. You may be very surprised at some of the benefits you will receive besides just losing 1-5 lbs of cr*p from your body and brightening your future health.

People have reported more energy, less allergies, clearing of acne, cessation of migraines, and many other results, not to mention restored regularity. When your body is void of old, poisonous toxins that are constantly being reabsorbed through the colon walls, it can begin to heal again. And when the colon walls are clean, the good nutrients from your food and supplements can be absorbed again. You will be thrilled with the results.

At this point you are either nauseated thinking about what is inside your own colon, or you’re ready to do something about cleaning it out.

Want more info? Click here and I’ll send it to you, including instructions on how to take it. And yes, I have taken it myself.

Currently available only in the U.S. and Canada. Seeking Distributors to meet high demand.

Can you believe this shit? Oops that’s a bad pun seeing what this spam is dealing with. The thing that amazes me the most is the fact that some jackass took the time and energy to write this. There has to be an easier way to make money.

Spam this asshole if your not afraid of this guy getting your e-mail address.

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