So I’m going to let you in on another one of my recent obsessions. This time its the movie Bull Durham. I recently picked up the movie and I have been watching it over and over. There just is something about these Kevin Costner baseball movies that make me wish I could appreciate baseball. As it is I find baseball to be one of the most boring sports around. Watching it is right up there with watching golf. The funny thing is most of my good friends all like baseball.

Both Stanley and Izer love baseball. The both of them are chronic Cubs fans. They go to games and every once in a while they try to get me to go. I thought about it. But decided to pass as soon as I found out beer is cut off around the seventh inning. That’s a problem I am trying to work on.

Here is the infamous speech from Bull Durham:

Well I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman’s back, the hanging curve ball, hi-fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self indulgent over rated crap.

I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.

I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing astro turf in the designated hitter.

I believe in the sweet spot, softcore pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas eve.

And I believe in long slow deep soft wet kisses that last three days.

I just love that.

Ok, if either your illiterate or just don’t pay attention to these stupid titles I put before every bit I write, but I am pissed. It’s a work related story. Shock! I have been quite a pussy as of late regarding stuff at work that just really pisses me off. But, this instance happened while I was going in to get my paycheck so I was off the clock. Now the way I figure it I can write anything I want about my time away from work. Also I am willing to chance it. I won’t name names as usual back when I used to bitch and moan about every little thing that got me pissed.

So I go in to get my pitiful paycheck. Stand in line for five minutes or so. I get to the desk of the lady that hands out paychecks and get ready to sign the sheet of paper that indicates I did receive my paycheck and the lady ask me I I had seen Lyle the insurance guy. Lyle by the way is just some insurance guy so other than the fact he sells insurance and I feel that when my revolution comes insurance salesmen and lawyers are first up against the wall, I have nothing against Lyle for trying to make me wait for my paycheck. You notice I said “trying”. So I give the lady who hands out paychecks my “I hate you all” glare and go “Across the street” (her words) to the board room.

So in the board room you got Lyle, some other insurance guy, and five other people waiting to talk to Lyle and his pal. Both Lyle and his buddy had people they were talking with. So I stand and piss and moan under my breathe. But, loud enough the people I was waiting with could hear me. Lyle and his bud must of heard me but being in the insurance biz these guys hear this all the time. My patience didn’t last more than say maybe a minute.

“Which one of you guys is Lyle?’ I ask rather impatiently.

Lyle looks up and he says “I’m Lyle.”

I look at Lyle and with as much venomous hate I can muster I say “This thing here your selling, I’m not interested. I don’t have insurance with you guys and I don’t want insurance with you guys. Ok?” And I gave him a curt smile.

“Ah well.. You still have to sign off on this.” Lyle says. He adds “It will just be a couple of minutes.”

So I think to myself Fuck It. I figured that Lyle and the Paycheck Nazi probably were not in contact with each other. So I go back to the Paycheck Nazi and she asks If I talked to Lyle. I say yes again with venomous hate and sign my name on the paycheck sheet and toss her pen with force on to her desk. She just kind of looks at me with shock that I just tossed her pen like that. So I pick the pen up again and mimic signing the sheet again and gently set the pen down. She gives me my check and I leave bitching and moaning under my breath. I tell the front desk clerk to tell Lyle to leave me the papers he needs me to “sign off” on and that I would get back to him.

So my question to you the reader if anyone knows, what law (if any) did the Paycheck Nazi break by refusing to give me my paycheck? Is there one? This is just for my amusement. This rant is satisfaction enough. That and just reading “Paycheck Nazi” cracks me up.