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Friday April 30th 1999
I’ll Never Learn 11:41 am-
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Well I wasn’t going to write about the new job. I all most did yesterday. So I decided fuck it I can’t help I am the way I am. I like to think I’m just exercising my constitutional rights as a US citizen. I know to some of you that this may seem like a lame excuse? But hey it’s my site I will write what I like.

It’s just that last night at “work” I had a some what negative experience. I was plugging away on the some what boring task of putting all of these thingies into some whatcamacalits, thinking I was doing so at a good pace. Well the supervisor comes over and asked me how many I had put together. So I tell her that I had about 4o done, again thinking that I was doing good. So she figures out the rate I should be working at that I should have had 80 done. Well this crushes me. I like to think when I’m doing something that I doing it good.

You should have seen me. Here I am a grown man the age of 27 ready to cry because I’m doing a real horrible job at what I’m doing. I was thinking to myself “Fuck it. You’ll go back to the hotel and crawl on your hands and knees and beg for your job back. You can throw yourself at their feet and promise not to write bad things about them on the Internet ever again.” I even at that moment for the first time was thinking that this website of mine has really fucked up my life. Because of this site I can’t get a job in the hotel business. And without the hotel business I have nothing. Up until this night I honestly never felt that this website may have been a mistake. I wonder now.

I sit here typing this and I tell myself that the website didn’t cause my problems. That I have not done anything wrong by writing stuff here. Yet I still have a nagging doubt. My life is kind of in the shitter. I have drawn unemployment for as long as I really want to. I could probably get another month, it’s just that I don’t want to. Up until the hotel showing me the exit hatch I had always worked. This is my first time being fired and the first time I have had to collect unemployment. I have computer stuff I want to buy, that’s why unemployment can’t work. So therefore I need a job.

To wrap up, I guess what I’m saying is I really hate my fucking job. Don’t get me wrong. The people I work with are nice enough. Maybe a little bit on the weird side. But hey, so were the people at the hotel. I realize it’s only been a week, and that it will take a while to pick up everything. But fuck I feel that I could be doing something better than this. Doing this shit really makes me think about college. Well that’s all for now.

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