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Sunday October 4th 1998
Walking On A Thin Line 3:00 am-
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This is really only for three people. If you are one of them than you know what I’m talking about if not ignore or read, I don’t care.

Exactly a week ago I was told to stop with the “pertinent hotel information” by the head fascist. I do not take the prospect of me being fired over my practicing of my constitutional rights very well. So I did what I do when a whole heap of shit is thrown on me. I put my alcoholic nature into overdrive. Along with the threat of being fired and my own nervous ticks I have seemed to alienate three people I consider friends. All of whom I work with at the hotel. Of course it could just be me. But, they seem very quiet when I am around now. Again it could just be me.

One of them accused me having to many shields up. Well I guess I do sometimes. The same person also has told me more than once that I have ulterior motives for everything I do. Maybe. I don’t know sometimes. The shield is a thing I have had for a long time. Its hard to bring it down. I sorry if I changed your impression of me.

The other two I don’t directly work with. But I see them every once in a while. The gentleman of the two is the one I am worried about the most. I had hoped I had explained my “nature” to him. He was very mad with me. And of these two he is most likely to read this page. And again it could just be me. I hope so. I really do. I don’t want to think I fucked up a good friendship because of one night of me boozing it up. Please drop me a line to tell me I am right or wrong. And I hope you know now how I feel about her. If you have doubts, please voice them. I will do whatever I can to prove you wrong, if I can.

It was one of those days that anything and everything possible went wrong. So ends my plea.

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